Travis In Wonderland
by Neneithel
Summary: Where Travis went when he fell down the hole.


_**Travis in Wonderland.**__  
_  
Travis had been falling for a very long time. Just when he thought that he was certain to die, he landed on a pile of requisition forms and realised at last the importance of paperwork.

He knew he had been badly injured when Avon fired, but he was still alive. He gave himself a dose of painkillers strong enough to enable him to continue until he could get medical attention. He was just recovering from the pain and the bump of the fall when a white rabbit ran around the corner. "I'm late!" it said.

Travis got up and ran after it. "You! Stop there!"

"Can't stop!" said the rabbit, "I'm late!"

"You'll be the late white rabbit if you don't stand still." said Travis.

The rabbit stopped. "Well, what dreadful manners!"

"Where am I?" asked Travis.

"You're here."

"Where is here?"

The rabbit frowned, waggling its long ears in consternation. "Here is here. If it were anywhere else, it would be there."

"I am Space Commander Travis." he said, then considered recent events and said, "Well, I used to be."

The rabbit took a small, gold chronometer from his waistcoat pocket and said, "Oh, my ears and whiskers! How late it's getting!"

Travis let it go. It was driving him mad. He headed in the same direction as the rabbit had taken and found a corridor with many doors. There was a tiny golden key on a table. All the doors were locked, but the key fitted none of them, so he blasted one and looked into the room revealed. There was a cat grinning at him from a comfortable chair. It reminded him of Servalan. "Do you talk?" he said.

"Sometimes." said the cat.

"Who are you?"

"Why are you breaking the doors?"

"Where is Blake?"

"I don't like your tone!" said the cat, and faded, leaving just the grin. Travis blasted the chair in frustration.

He went back into the corridor and looked at the table again. He found a bottle that he had not seen before. Around its neck was a tag saying, "Drink me". Travis had been caught that way before. He threw the bottle against the wall, where it smashed and the contents went all over an expensive carpet.

He picked up the little gold key and finally found the door it opened, which was only about fifteen inches high. He opened the door and saw that it opened onto a small passage, leading to a green place, infested with plants. He returned to the table and found another bottle. This one said, "Go on, fool! Drink me!" That one joined its associate, trickling a mess down the wall.

When he turned back to the table, there was a strontium grenade, the tag saying, "Throw me!"

He could handle that. He threw it at the wall and found he now had access to the disturbingly green place outside. He set off as fast as his injuries would allow and came to an area under some trees where a table was set out. Three of the oddest creatures he had seen were sitting at the table, one fast asleep and the other two resting their elbows on its head.

"Who are you?" he said.

"Have some wine!" said what he could only regard as a large hare.

Travis could see no wine. "I am Travis. Who are you?"

The hare pointed at the humanoid beside him and said, "He's the Hatter."

"He's the March Hare." said the Hatter.

"And that ball of fluff?"

"The Dormouse." they both said.

The ball of fluff opened an eye and said, "I wasn't asleep."

"Someone very like you works for Servalan now." said Travis, "A real powder puff!"

"I think you're mad!" said the Hatter.

"Quite mad!" agreed the March Hare.

Travis smiled. "Perhaps I am. Now, I want some answers."

"Seven!" said the Hatter.

"Seven?"

"It's an answer. You can't deny it."

"I haven't asked the questions yet."

"No time! No time! We gave you an answer, now go away."

"Where can I find Blake?"

"Metaphysical poets?" said the Hare.

"What?"

"Pardon is considered more polite." chided the Hatter.

"What is stopping me from killing all of you?" said Travis.

"That doesn't sound very kind to me." said a fair-haired young girl, approaching through the trees.

"I was not trained by the Federation to be kind." said Travis.

"Well, perhaps you ought to have been." she said.

Before he could reply, she drew a gun and fired three times. Travis fell, hearing, before he lost consciousness, "Oh, it was so kind of you to help us!"

"Have a cup of tea, do, Soolin, dear."

_**The End.**_


End file.
